Finding Your Core Values
A note to the reader: You can choose how you want to read this post.
Section 1 is Short & Clear: fewer words, fewer ideas at once
Section 2 is Slower & More Detailed: more context and nuance
Short and Clear
Life gets loud. Social media never stops. Your job wants more. Your family has opinions.
It's easy to lose yourself.
You might look successful. But feel empty inside.
This happens when you live someone else's life.
What Are Values?
Values are what matters most to you. They guide your choices. They shape your days.
When you follow them, life feels right. When you ignore them, everything is hard.
Finding What Matters
Look at Your Best Moments
Think of a time you felt truly alive. Maybe proud. Maybe peaceful. Maybe excited.
Ask yourself:
What was I doing?
Who was there?
Why did it feel so good?
If you loved leading a team, you might value leadership. If you loved hiking alone, you might value freedom.
Look at What Makes You Angry
Sometimes hate shows you what you love.
Think of a time you were furious or hurt.
What crossed your line?
Did someone lie to you? You value honesty.
Did someone control you? You value freedom.
Did someone break a promise? You value trust.
Your anger points to what you protect.
The "Blank Check" Test
Imagine you have all the money you need. You never have to work again. No one is watching. No one will judge you.
What do you do on a Tuesday? What causes do you support? What do you learn just because?
Your answers show your real values.
Common Values
Here are some values people choose. Read them slowly. Notice which ones pull at you.
Connection:
Community
Family
Friendship
Love
Loyalty
Growth:
Learning
Creativity
Curiosity
Adventure
Courage
Impact:
Justice
Kindness
Service
Teaching
Healing
Security:
Safety
Stability
Health
Tradition
Peace
Freedom:
Independence
Choice
Play
Exploration
Change
Pick 10 that feel important.
Then narrow to your top 5.
How to Choose
If you're stuck between two values, ask: "If I could only have one, which would I choose?"
Be honest. Your answer matters.
Making Values Real
Knowing your values is step one. Living them is step two.
Check Your Life
Look at how you spend your time.
Say health is a top value. But you sleep five hours a night. That's a gap.
Say creativity matters most. But you haven't made anything in months. That's a gap.
Gaps are normal. Everyone has them.
Close the Gaps
You don't need to change everything. Start small.
If health matters:
Go to bed 30 minutes earlier
Eat one more vegetable
Take a 10-minute walk
If creativity matters:
Draw for 10 minutes
Write one paragraph
Listen to music you love
Small changes build big shifts.
When Values Clash
Sometimes two values compete.
You value both family and career. But your job wants 60 hours. Your kids want you home.
This is hard. There's no perfect answer.
Ask yourself: "Which value feels more urgent right now?" "Which choice will I regret less?"
You can't always honor all values equally. But you can be honest about the trade-offs.
Living With Meaning
Following your values won't make life easy. You'll still have hard days. You'll still make mistakes.
But you'll know why you're doing what you're doing.
That's what meaning is.
Not happiness all the time. But purpose underneath everything.
Try This Now
Take 10 minutes. Write down 3 moments when you felt really alive.
For each one, ask: "What was I honoring in that moment?"
That's where your values live.
You can stop here, or keep reading.
Slower and More Detailed
Finding Your North Star: A Guide to Discovering Your Core Values
In the noise of modern life—the endless scrolling, the career pressure, and the expectations of friends and family—it’s incredibly easy to lose your way. You might find yourself successful on paper but feeling strangely hollow. Usually, that’s because you’re living someone else’s life.
To find fulfillment, you have to find your Core Values. These are the non-negotiable principles that guide your behavior and decisions. When you live in alignment with them, life feels "right." When you don’t, everything feels like an uphill battle.
Here is a practical roadmap to help you dig beneath the surface and find what actually matters to you.
1. Identify Your "Peak Moments"
Think back to a time when you felt truly alive, proud, or "in the zone." These are rarely accidental; they happen when your values are being honored.
Ask yourself: What was happening? Who was there?
The "Why": If you loved leading a team project, your value might be Leadership or Collaboration. If you loved solo hiking, it might be Autonomy or Nature.
2. Look at Your "Anti-Values"
Sometimes it’s easier to know what you hate than what you love. Think about a time you were incredibly frustrated or offended.
The Trigger: Did a dishonest coworker make your blood boil? Your value is likely Integrity.
The Friction: Do you hate being micromanaged? Your value might be Freedom.
3. The "Blank Check" Test
Imagine you have all the money you could ever need and no one to impress. Your basic needs are met forever.
How do you spend your Tuesdays?
What causes do you donate to?
What do you learn just for the sake of learning?
Narrowing It Down: The Selection
Below is a list of common values. Scan them, and pick 10 that resonate. Then, through a process of elimination, whittle that list down to your Top 5.
AdventureCommunityCreativitySecurityKindnessCuriosityGrowthLoyaltyStabilityJusticeEfficiencyPlayfulnessWisdomCourageTradition
Pro Tip: If you can’t decide between two, ask: "If I could only have one for the rest of my life, which would I choose?" ---
How to Live Your Values
Identifying them is only half the battle. To make them real, you have to audit your current life.
The Audit: If Health is a top value, but you haven't slept more than five hours a night this week, there is a "Value Gap."
The Adjustment: You don't need a total life overhaul. Just look for 1% shifts. If Creativity is a value, spend 10 minutes sketching instead of 10 minutes on social media.
Living by your values doesn't make life easy, but it does make it meaningful.
